School

Yesterday I went to a Walmart to get a hairdryer. It was packed with people doing back to school shopping and I couldn't relate at all. I remember the ritual of buying notebooks, binders, and pencils in September but it feels so long ago. Time is a thing. People are moving on and here I am trying to figure out which hairdryer to get.

It's been three years since I went to school. It was for art and it was clear it wasn't for me when I saw the passion my peers had that I didn't. My 'year off' was supposed to be only that, a year and seemingly everyone then warned me it was tough to get back on. They were right.

I blame it on my inability to commit and this is a prime example of that. College/universities sites are soooo user-unfriendly and for a pragmatic person, making a life decision in a state of confusion and overwhelmed doesn't seem logical or even ideal. Not to mention expensive; I've been more certain about a designer bag than any school program. It feels backwards for people in this age bracket to choose their career when we're still in the beginning stage of self discovery. Like, why pluck a fruit that's not yet ripe? I could and will probably be a much different person in 5 years. What then?

However I operate on fear and my fear of making a big mistake is now overpowered by my fear of falling behind. I'm coming to terms that not knowing everything is the nature of this beast and I just have to go in with a sense of adventure however masochistic it will be. Most of us are in the same boat, I'm assuming, it's the lesser of two evils. Next fall I hope to be in school moving with everyone else. Terrified, but moving.

As for now, I'm going to dry my hair.